Mind Over Motherhood: Navigating the Challenges with Mindfulness (“Motherhood” Magazine Interview)
Counsellor and mother of two, Silvia Wetherell, opens up about how she gets a grasp on maternity struggles through mindfulness.
Every month, the 36-year-old co-founder of Mindful Mums, Silvia Wetherell, gets busy organising get-togethers for mothers in need of a mental boost.
“Women can feel very isolated once they have a baby,” said the counsellor on why she started the support group. “Trying to be the best mother you can be often means excessive self-criticism, confusion over conflicting advice, and societal pressure to do things ‘a certain way.’”
At these meetings, challenging emotions often experienced by mothers—such as anger and sadness—are normalised, so attendees may feel safe in having them, rather than be ashamed. They are encouraged to incorporate mindfulness principles in navigating their parenting journey.
Specialising in maternal mental health, Silvia has a private practice at a clinic in Novena. Her inspiration for starting the support group with fellow counsellor Joanna Bush stems in part from Silvia’s own struggles as a mother.
Preparing for Motherhood
“Before I had (first child) Matilda, I had done so much therapy, read all the expert books on optimising baby’s development, was well versed on the common psychological issues that can face a first-time mother,” said Silvia. “I was feeling pretty confident about having a baby… and then reality happened! I had no idea just how many high expectations I had built for myself, my husband, my marital relationship, and just how I would feel about this helpless little creature in my arms.”
For her, making the transition from husband and wife to new parents proved to be tricky as they had clashes in parenting styles, family values, and expectations.
“It is absolutely futile to enter into competition with your husband about who works the hardest, and who is missing out the most,” she said. “After a sleepless night and a cranky baby, I would sometimes envy my hubby’s ‘freedom’ of being able to walk out of the house and go to work.”
As a mother, Silvia soon learned to incorporate self-care and daily mindfulness into her routine, including scheduling weekly therapy sessions and sharing her struggles with friends who were also mothers.
Relocation and Change
Six years ago, Silvia relocated with her husband and Matilda, who was then merely 20 months of age.
“I was used to living away from family as I had left Portugal at 23. But it was still challenging to figure out how to look after a newborn with no guidance.”
Today, Silvia is a permanent resident of Singapore, and six-year-old Matilda now has a toddler brother, two-year-old Arthur. As a former stay-at-home mum in England, taking up a full-time counselling job in Singapore meant the necessity of hiring a helper.
“My experience of motherhood is quite different here as I can spend time off work playing with the kids, taking them to the Botanic Gardens, playing games in the pool, and generally able to focus completely on them rather than rushing around cleaning and cooking,” she said.
Making It Work
At work, Silvia helps a clientele of both expatriate and local women work through motherhood-related issues, whether it be pregnancy anxiety, postpartum depression, fertility issues, or anger management in parenting.
“Trying to create some kind of homeostatic ‘balance’ between work and personal life is pretty elusive,” she said, noting that many counsellors like her can easily burn out. “Sometimes, my personal values are at odds with each other. Being an available and present mother wins sometimes; being a dedicated therapist wins on others.
“I ‘walk my talk’ and make sure I stay grounded and sane through good self-care. Daily mindfulness, a good diet, laughter, and social support are my top strategies for staying mentally healthy!”
She confessed that being a mother is harder than going to work—yet it all works out to be entirely meaningful:
“As cheesy as this sounds, I love my children so deeply that it hurts sometimes.”
Tips from Silvia for Being a Mindful Mum:
Meditate: “Incorporate mindfulness into your daily schedule. Even just 10 minutes a day will make a huge difference. I often recommend Headspace (www.headspace.com) to my clients.”
Be Present: “We juggle so many chores and to-do lists. But life is happening right here, right now. Slow down, take a breath (or 10), and look at your child as if you have never seen her before. Take a moment to savour life unfolding or you will miss it.”
Switch Off: “So much anxiety and unhappiness comes from that little gadget in your pocket. Social media and being addicted to web browsing cause a lot of unnecessary stress for mothers. If you must, stick to 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening.”
Be Compassionate: “Be kind in the way you speak to yourself. This issue you are struggling with—what would you say if it was your child or best friend going through the same situation?”
Ask for Help: “Don’t try to be superhuman. Learning to be vulnerable with others takes tremendous courage. Reach out and get the support you need.”
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