Embracing the Softness: Letting Go of the Soldier Within
Motherhood is a profound transformation, one that challenges every part of our identity. Many of us enter this stage of life with an inner “soldier”—a part of ourselves that has helped us navigate challenges, push through exhaustion, and keep everything in control. This soldier has served us well, helping us excel in our careers, relationships, and personal growth. But in the transition to becoming a mother, that same soldier can sometimes make it difficult to embrace the softer, more vulnerable aspects of ourselves. I know that is one part I struggled to let go of when I became a mother.
The Challenge of Shifting Roles in Motherhood
One of the biggest shifts in becoming a mother is learning to move from constant productivity and control to presence and adaptability. If you are used to being strong, capable, and always in charge, the demands of early motherhood—sleepless nights, unpredictable routines, and emotional vulnerability—can feel overwhelming.
This transition is not just about taking care of a baby; it is also about adjusting internally. The part of you that has always been strong and self-sufficient may resist slowing down, asking for help, or showing vulnerability. But true emotional health is about balance—knowing when to step into the soldier role and when to allow yourself to be vulnerable, to be nurtured, to receive, and to simply be.
Recognizing the Different Parts of You
Psychosynthesis, a psychological framework that explores the different parts of the self, helps us understand that we are not just one, singular identity. Instead, we are made up of multiple subpersonalities—different aspects of ourselves that emerge in response to various life experiences. In motherhood, two dominant subpersonalities often emerge:
The Soldier: This part of you is structured, disciplined, and goal-oriented. It thrives on control and efficiency, ensuring that everything runs smoothly. It has likely been a key driver of your success before motherhood.
The Nurturer: This is the part of you that is soft, intuitive, and emotionally attuned. It prioritizes connection over control, presence over productivity, and embraces the unpredictable nature of raising a child.
These two parts can sometimes feel at odds. The soldier might resist the messiness and emotional intensity of motherhood, while the nurturer longs for softness and ease. The key is not to eliminate one part but to integrate them—to recognize when each part serves you and when it might be holding you back.
Giving Yourself Permission to Be More Than the Soldier
A key takeaway from this reflection is the importance of allowing other parts of the self to emerge. The soldier in you is strong and resilient, but there is also a softer, more playful side, an emotional and vulnerable side, a side that needs care and gentleness. Without allowing space for these parts to emerge, it’s easy to feel disconnected or overwhelmed.
So, what does stepping into emotional flexibility look like as a mother?
Recognizing when the soldier shows up. Notice your physical and emotional cues—are you clenching your jaw, rushing through tasks, or feeling the need to control everything? Simply acknowledging these moments can help you make a conscious choice to soften.
Allowing vulnerability in safe spaces. Motherhood can be isolating, but finding ways to express emotions—whether it’s crying in the shower, journaling, or confiding in a trusted friend—can be healing.
Welcoming the Nurturer. Instead of resisting the emotional and intuitive aspects of yourself, embrace them. This may look like slowing down, listening to your own needs, and allowing moments of connection without judgment.
Creating space for all parts of you. You are not just one thing. You are not just strong, or soft, or logical, or emotional. You contain multitudes, and each part deserves to be acknowledged. Practicing self-awareness can help you integrate these parts in a way that feels whole and balanced.
Final Thoughts: Embracing the Journey of Motherhood
Becoming a mother is not about erasing who you were before—it’s about expanding into a new version of yourself. The strength and resilience that have served you in the past can coexist with softness, warmth, and emotional vulnerability.
So, the next time you feel the soldier in you taking over, pause. Ask yourself: Do I need to be in “battle mode” right now? Or is this a moment where I can allow myself to receive, to relax, to simply be?
True strength in motherhood is not just about doing—it’s also about knowing when to let go, when to ask for help, and when to embrace the beauty of simply being present.